Fudgey, you will be sorely missed.

Sorry for being away for a long time. With Fudge’s passing, and with him being the heart of this blog, I’ve found it difficult to visit the blog, let alone to write again.

Before everything happened, I have spoken to a number of friends about how it feels like to lose a pet. After all, I’ve lost 2 before – Nikki and Jordan. I used to say…it is not as difficult as it seems. When you see your pet old and suffering, seeing them live by  the day, where some days are better or worse than others, and hearing them sometimes whine because they found it hard to stand or they felt pain, you’ll feel some sort of “relief” or even “happiness” when they go. Of course, we all grief, but, all dogs go to heaven and we know they’ll be in a better place. However, I recently realized that this only holds true when a pet goes in its old age. Never would I have expected that I would be experiencing the otherwise with Fudge.

Fudge passed away about 2 months ago. He was 8 years and and a half  before he passed away. Everything happened in a blur – from the time I noticed a distention, to bringing him into emergency just because i read about the danger of bloating (which turned out to not be a bloat), a CT scan, the many guesses on what the diagnosis is and finally, the diagnosis. It was a roller coaster journey, for Jon, my family, and I, with moments intertwined with bouts of hope and sadness. We thought that…if we put him on a strict diet and exercise routine, that we will survive the odds. The doctor had told us about 6 months. Little did we know that Fudge would be around for just about a week.

Now that it has been 2 months, everything still seems quite fresh. Nothing much has changed, except an emptiness and unusual quietness in the room at night (Fudge was a loud sleeper!) – it was hard to fall asleep. Despite the numerous encouragements I received (which I am very grateful for) like “at least he didn’t have to suffer too much” or “he has had a wonderful life” or “he will be looking out for you from above”, I guess I am selfish and found it hard to accept things and move on.

But in times like this, I guess I have learnt to find an inner strength. Life is hard and hardly ever fair. At the same time, it is important not to forget that while we may have lost something, there are still so many other things in our lives that we should treasure. Live in the moment, not in the past.

*moving on*

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